Helping My Kids Deal with Divorce Part 3

Many times, during the separation and divorce process our Family Law Attorneys are asked, “What can I do to make this less traumatic for my child(ren)?”  At Boehmer Law, we recognize and understand that these changes affect the WHOLE family, especially the children.  Here are some helpful tips in helping your children through your divorce.  If you need a divorce attorney that understands what you are going through, call the divorce lawyers in St. Charles, MO at 636-896-4020 for a free consultation appointment.

Adjusting to a New Living Situation

Because divorce can be such a big change, adjustments in living arrangements should be handled gradually and explained well.  Advance warning is usually better than “surprises”.
Several types of living situations should be considered:

• one parent may have sole custody
• joint custody in which both legal and physical custody are shared
• joint custody where one parent has "tie-breaking" authority in certain medical or educational settings

Which one is right for your kids? Although some kids can thrive spending half their time with each parent, others seem to need the stability of having one "home" and visiting with the other parent.  Try to talk it out and find out what they feel may work best for them, especially teenagers who have busy lives.

Whatever arrangement you choose, your child's needs should come first. This is not a war where someone “wins”.  When deciding how to handle holidays, birthdays, and vacations, stay focused on what's best for the kids. It's important for parents to resolve these issues themselves and not ask the kids to choose.

During the preteen years, when kids become more involved with activities apart from their parents, they may need different schedules to accommodate their changing priorities. Ideally, kids benefit most from consistent support from both parents, but they may resist equal time-sharing if it interrupts school or their social lives. Try to be flexible.

Parenting Under Pressure

As much as possible, both parents should work to keep routines and discipline the same in both households. Similar expectations about bedtimes, rules, and homework will reduce anxiety, especially in younger children.  If one home has a bed time of 8 PM and the other has one at 10 PM, this can cause sleep disruption and behavioral issues, especially in smaller children.

Even though you can't enforce the rules in your ex-partner's home, stick to them in yours. Relaxing limits, especially during a time of change, tends to make kids insecure and less likely to recognize your parental authority later. Feeling guilty and buying things to replace love or letting kids act out is not in their best interests and can lead to problems down the road. Instead, you can lavish affection on them — kids don't get spoiled by too many hugs or comforting words.

When you and your former spouse can work together and communicate civilly for the benefit of your children, the original family unit can continue to be a source of strength, even if stepfamilies enter the picture.

Remember:

Recognize the signs of stress. Consult your kids' teachers, doctor, or a child therapist for guidance on how to handle specific problems you're concerned about.  Keep their teachers and coaches in the loop.  Listen to what they have to say as well.
Be patient with yourself and with your child. Emotional concerns, loss, and hurt following divorce take time to heal and this often happens in phases.  Go through the process and be there for your children—your actions will be how they set their emotions.

If you have any questions or want one of our divorce attorneys to review your situation, please call for a free consultation at 636-896-4020 today.

The choice of an attorney is an important one and should not be based solely on advertising. The information you obtain at this site is not, nor is it intended to be, legal advice. You should consult an attorney for advice regarding your individual situation.

Helping My Kids Deal with Divorce Part 2

Many times, during the separation and divorce process our Family Law Attorneys are asked, “What can I do to make this less traumatic for my child(ren)?”  At Boehmer Law, we recognize and understand that these changes affect the WHOLE family, especially the children.  Here are some helpful tips in helping your children through your divorce.  If you need a divorce attorney that understands what you are going through, call the divorce lawyers in St. Charles, MO at 636-896-4020 for a free consultation appointment.

Helping Kids Cope

It is common and very natural for some kids to hold out hope that their parents will someday get back together, even after what a divorce is has been explained to them.

Missing the loss of a family is normal, but over time both you and your kids will come to accept the new situation. So reassure them that it's OK to wish that mom and dad will reunite, but also explain the permanence of your decisions.
Here are some ways to help kids cope with the upset of a divorce:

• Encourage open and truthful conversations.  Children need to know that their feelings are important to both their parents and that they'll be taken seriously.
• Help them put their feelings into words.  Kids' behavior can often clue you in to their feelings of sadness or anger. Sometimes you or our ex-spouse maybe the “punching bag” for your child’s feelings, so be patient.  Be a good listener, even if it's hard or hurtful for you to hear what they have to say.
• Legitimize their feelings.  Saying "I know you feel sad now" or "I know it feels lonely without mom here" lets kids know that their feelings are valid. It's important to encourage kids to get it all out before you start offering ways to make it better.
• Offer support.  Let them know you are there for them.  Ask them what may help them get through what they are going through.  If they cannot verbalize their needs, offer suggestions. 
• Get help. Do not be afraid to find a support group, and talk to others who have gone through this. Getting help yourself sets a good example for your kids on how to make a healthy adjustment to this major change. It's very important not to lean on your kids for support. Older kids and those who are eager to please may try to make you feel better by offering a shoulder to cry on. No matter how tempting that is, it's best not to let them be the provider of your emotional support.

Take the high road.  Try your best to not resort to blaming or name-calling within earshot of your kids, no matter what the circumstances of the separation. This is especially important  where there have been especially hurtful events, like infidelity. Take care to keep letters, e-mails, and text messages in a secure location as kids will be naturally curious if there is a high-conflict situation going on at home.  Do not post your grievances on social media.

The Importance of Consistency

Consistency and routine can go a long way toward providing comfort and familiarity that can help your family during this major life change. When possible, minimize unpredictable schedules, transitions, or abrupt separations.
Especially during a divorce, kids will benefit from one-on-one time with each parent. No matter how inconvenient, try to accommodate your ex-partner as you figure out visitation schedules.
Behavioral changes are important to watch out for — any new or changing signs of moodiness; sadness; anxiety; school problems; or difficulties with friends, appetite, and sleep can be signs of a problem.  Older kids and teens may be vulnerable to risky behaviors such as alcohol and drug use, skipping school, and defiant acts.

Fighting in Front of the Kids

Although the occasional argument between parents is expected in any family, living in a battleground of continual hostility and unresolved conflict can place a heavy burden on a child. Screaming, fighting, arguing, or violence can make kids feel worried and afraid.
Talking with a mediator or divorce counselor can help couples air their grievances and hurt to each other in a way that doesn't harm their children. Though it may be difficult, working together in this way will spare kids the hurt caused by continued bitterness and anger.

In Part three we will discuss new living situations, and parenting under pressure.   If you have any questions or want one of our divorce attorneys to review your situation please call for a free consultation at 636-896-4020 today.

The choice of an attorney is an important one and should not be based solely on advertising. The information you obtain at this site is not, nor is it intended to be, legal advice. You should consult an attorney for advice regarding your individual situation.

Helping My Kids Deal With Divorce Part 1

Many times, during the separation and divorce process our Family Law Attorneys are asked, “What can I do to make this less traumatic for my child(ren)?”  At Boehmer Law, we recognize and understand that these changes affect the WHOLE family, especially the children.  Here are some helpful tips in helping your children through your divorce.  If you need a divorce attorney that understands what you are going through, call the divorce lawyers in St. Charles, MO at 636-896-4020 for a free consultation appointment. 

Every divorce will affect the kids involved — and many times the initial reaction is one of shock, sadness, frustration, anger, or worry.  The most important thing to remember is how you as the parent act is the greatest influence on how your children will cope with your family changes.

• The most important things that both parents can do to help kids through this difficult time are:
•  Keep visible conflict, heated discussions, and legal talk away from the kids.
•  Minimize the disruptions to your childrens' daily routines.
•  Confine negativity and blame to private therapy sessions or conversations with     limited friends outside the home.  Never use social media to air your grievances. 
•  Do not ask your kids to be put in the middle

Breaking the News

While there is no easy way to break the news, if possible have both parents there for this conversation. It's important to try to leave feelings of anger, guilt, or blame out of it. Practice how you're going to manage telling your kids so you don't become upset or angry during the talk.

The discussion should fit the child's age, maturity, and temperament. But it should always include this message: What happened is between mom and dad and is not the child's fault. Most kids will feel they're to blame even after parents have said that they're not. So it's vital for parents to keep giving this reassurance.

Give kids enough information to prepare them for the upcoming changes in their lives. Try to answer their questions as truthfully as possible. Remember that kids don't need to know all the reasons behind a divorce (especially if it involves blaming the other parent). It's enough for them to understand what will change in their daily routine — and, just as important, what will not.

With younger kids, it's best to keep it simple. You might say something like: "Mom and dad are going to live in different houses so they don't fight so much, but we both love you very much."

Older kids and teens may be more in tune with what parents have been going through, and might have more questions based on what they've overheard and picked up on from conversations and fights.

Handling Kids' Reactions

Reassure your children that you recognize and care about their feelings, and remind them that all of their upset feelings are normal and understandable.

Not all kids react right away. Assure them you can talk when they're ready. Some kids try to please their parents by acting as if everything is good, or try to avoid any difficult feelings by denying that they feel any anger or sadness at the change. Sometimes stress comes out in other ways — at school, or with friends, or in changes to their appetite, behavior or sleep patterns.  Make sure both parents are watching for these kinds of changes so you can communicate what to keep an eye on.

Typical Questions Kids Ask:

•         Who will I live with?
•       Where will I go to school?
•          Where will each parent live?
•         Where will we spend holidays?
•      Will I still get to see my friends?
•          Can I still do my favorite activities?

Being honest is not always easy when you don't have all the answers or when kids are feeling scared or guilty about what's going on. But telling them what they need to know at that moment is always the right thing to do. 

In Part two we will discuss living with the life changes, what to expect, and practical information to learn when you are going through this process.  If you have any questions or want one of our divorce attorneys to review your situation please call for a free consultation at 636-896-4020 today.

The choice of an attorney is an important one and should not be based solely on advertising. The information you obtain at this site is not, nor is it intended to be, legal advice. You should consult an attorney for advice regarding your individual situation. Contacting us does not create an attorney-client relationship.

Impacting Our Local Community

Boehmer Law is pleased to announce that we are collecting hats/gloves for The Brass Rail Steakhouse on their GREAT project!   Each year they feed thousands of people in our local area.  If you could please donate these new items--it would be greatly appreciated. We can use children's, men's, and women's hats and gloves. You can drop them off at Boehmer Law at 1603 Boones Lick Road in St. Charles, MO 63301. Thank you in advance for your generosity.

From the Brass Rail Steakhouse:

"Good morning FB Universe: I need your help please. As many of you know, The Brass Rail in O’Fallon Missouri feeds people in need for Thanksgiving every year for FREE. Last year we fed over 7000 people a hot Thanksgiving meal complete with all the trimmings. Well it’s nearly that time again and our goal this year is 10,000 meals; and this year we’d like to add a warm hat, gloves or mittens to EVERY order. So, we are humbly asking for donations to help us achieve this incredible goal. This is the first time we’ve had to ask for help, and we’re uncomfortable doing so, but the expense to feed 10,000 people and provide hats and gloves has gotten HUGE. If you have $5 or $10 or even some spare change, or can mail us a new winter hat, gloves or mittens, we’d be so grateful, and we promise you to put it to good use.  And please share this with as many people as you can, maybe we can feed 12,000 with your help. Thank you so much for reading this post."

Please visit The Brass Rail Steakhouse on facebook or visit their website to learn more at https://www.brassrail1.com.

Legal Help for Speeding Tickets in Missouri

The sound of the siren, the flash of the lights in the rear-view mirror, a quick glance at the speedometer— BAM—that gut wrenching feeling sets in—you are being pulled over for speeding.  Most of us have been there—and we all know how “fun” the whole experience can be.  At Boehmer Law, our traffic lawyers have helped numerous people just like you—we make it easy and affordable to handle your speeding tickets.  Give us a call at 636-896-4020 and we can take care of you over the phone.  We will ask a few basic questions, have you text or email us a copy of your ticket, take your payment over the phone and notify you when the whole process is done.  If you were just traveling through Missouri on your way somewhere else—we can help you with that too!

Here are a few statistics on speeding tickets:

•     One of the most common speed traps are areas in which there is a significant speed     limit reduction.
•   Law enforcement will often place themselves just past highway exists, where speed limits       typically drop quickly, in order to catch those who have not decelerated in time to account for the new speed limit.
•     In most states, the most tickets issued in any month tends to be within the last 7 days of the month.
•   July and August tend to be the month in which the most speeding tickets are issued, while January and February tend to be the months in which the fewest tickets are issued.
•     In Missouri, the 27,199 tickets for drivers who were moving 20 mph or more over the speed limit in 2016 was up from 21,830 in 2015. And the year before that, there were only 17,415 tickets cited for that range of speeding infractions.
•      Regardless of season, during national holidays you tend to see a spike in the issuance of speeding citations. This increase in speeding stops tends to result from a greater number of officers patrolling holidays in order to prevent intoxicated driving and the number of motorists on the road increases during these times.
•      Statistically speaking, you are most likely to receive a speeding ticket during the warmer months.
•     The average cost of a speeding ticket (in 2016) across the US is $150.00, not including legal fees.
•     Approximately 41 million people get traffic tickets in the US in a year, resulting in over $6 billion paid out for those tickets.

Always remember if you are being pulled over to do so safely and respectfully.  Signing your ticket is not an admission of guilt.  If you are pulled over for speeding, it is a good idea to consult an experienced criminal or traffic attorney in Missouri who can represent your case in the court of law and help your citation get dismissed.  Call Boehmer Law today at 636-896-4020.  We are here to fight for you!  Visit us at www.boehmerlaw.com for more information. 

The choice of an attorney is an important one and should not be based solely on advertising. The information you obtain at this site is not, nor is it intended to be, legal advice. You should consult an attorney for advice regarding your individual situation.

Traffic Citations and Speeding Stats for Missouri

At Boehmer Law, we are here to help you with your legal needs.  Summer and holidays are often times when the most speeding tickets are issued and accidents occur.  Please be safe, and know we are here to help you with your legal needs.  Here are some statistics regarding Missouri drivers and tickets and/or citations that have been issued.

• In 2016, 947 people were killed in Missouri traffic crashes.
• Overall, since 2005, traffic deaths decreased 33 percent.
• Six out of 10 vehicle occupants killed in 2016 Missouri traffic crashes were unbuckled.
• Only 84 percent of Missourians wear their seat belt, well below the national average of 90 percent.
• Twenty-three percent of Missouri traffic fatalities in 2016 involved a substance-impaired driver.
• Leading contributors of 2016 fatal crashes include speeding, substance-impairment and improper lane usage.
• Traffic crashes are the leading cause of death for people 15 to 20 years old.
• Three out of four teen vehicle occupants (13-19) killed in 2016 Missouri traffic crashes were not wearing a safety belt.
• While Missouri’s seat belt survey shows 70.4% of Missouri teens wear their seat belt, 76% of the teen vehicle occupants killed in 6were not wearing a seat belt.
• One in five 2016 Missouri traffic crashes involved a young driver (under the age of 21)

**Information gathered from the MSHP and Arrive Alive

If you need legal help with a speeding ticket, traffic violation, or a personal injury matter as a result of a traffic incident or crash, call Boehmer Law for a free case review today at 636-896-4020.  If you were injured in an accident and need one of our attorneys to come to you, we can do that for you as well.

The choice of an attorney is an important one and should not be based solely on advertising. The information you obtain at this site is not, nor is it intended to be, legal advice. You should consult an attorney for advice regarding your individual situation.

I Am Getting Pulled Over--What Now?

Missouri Law states that when you see law enforcement with lights flashing and approaching, a motorist is to pull as far as possible to the right of the traveled portion of the highway and stop when a police car approaches displaying emergency equipment. The motorist must remain stopped until the patrol car has passed, or a police officer directs them otherwise to pull to the side of the road. When you see flashing red and blue lights on a patrol car, don’t panic or try to outrun the police. Simply slow down, signal your intention to turn onto the right shoulder, and drive off the roadway to the right as far as is safe and place your car in park. It is important that neither you or any of your passengers make any sudden or undirected movements that may cause alarm.   Remember—law enforcement does not know who you are or what your intentions are.  You may not get the benefit of the doubt—so always remain calm, respectful, and hands in sight.  Remind your passengers to do the same.

After clarification as to why you were pulled over, the police may ask for your driver’s license, vehicle registration, and proof of insurance identification card. While the trooper is approaching your vehicle, DO NOT attempt to reach under your seat, into a glove compartment, into a console, or any other place hidden from the trooper’s view. If you are asked to exit your car, always keep your hands in plain view of the trooper. If a traffic ticket is issued by the officer, please maintain a polite and cooperative attitude. Do not attempt to debate the traffic ticket on the side of the road. You can hire a traffic attorney to help handle the case in the court systems.

Should I sign the ticket?

A traffic ticket is a legal document issued by troopers for traffic violations. A space for your signature is provided near the bottom of the traffic ticket. By signing the ticket, you are not admitting guilt. Your signature only recognizes receipt of the traffic ticket and your agreement to appear in court on the given court date, or that you will contact the court prior to the court date for disposal of the case.  Your attorney can do this for you.  Refusing to sign the traffic ticket does not eliminate your obligation to appear in court. Once the trooper gives you a copy of the traffic ticket, you have been served a summons (subpoena) to appear in that jurisdiction’s court. Failure to appear on your scheduled court date is a violation of law and may result in additional charges being filed against you and/or your driver’s license being suspended and/or a warrant for your arrest to be issued.  In nearly all court cases where a fine is imposed, court costs must be paid. No fines are collected roadside at the time of the ticket being issued.   If you lose your copy of the ticket you must contact the associate circuit court of the county in which the ticket was written. It is the responsibility of the violator to handle all traffic tickets in a timely manner.

If you received a speeding ticket in Missouri, call Boehmer Law at 636-896-4020 to see how we can help you.  We have handled numerous tickets, and we know how to help you. Most of the time, we can handle everything over the phone in one call.  We try to make this as easy as possible for you and will let you know everything you will need on the phone. 

 The choice of an attorney is an important one and should not be based solely on advertising. The information you obtain at this site is not, nor is it intended to be, legal advice. You should consult an attorney for advice regarding your individual situation.

Bond Reductions in Missouri

Getting a Bond Reduction Attorney in St. Charles, MO

If you were arrested and were issued an amount for bond—this can be very expensive and confusing.  By using the services of bond reduction attorneys of Boehmer Law in St. Charles, MO, a reduction hearing could help reduce those costs.  When someone is arrested for a criminal offense and jailed, the court frequently requires a payment (bond or bail)  if the accused wants to get out of jail before the trial. The payment, known as the bond, is set to make sure the accused does not leave down and also shows up to court for their trial. The cost of the bond that is set varies depending on the crime, if the individual is viewed as a flight risk, or if the judge thinks the individual is a danger to the community.

Experienced and Award-Winning Bond Reduction Attorney

Fortunately, a knowledgeable and experienced attorney like Eric Boehmer can succeed in getting a bond reduction for their client. With over 18 years’ experience, we can help reduce the bond for you or a friend or family member hampered with an unnecessarily large bond.  We will work for you to show the court why your bond should be reduced taking into consideration factors like your ties to the community, family in the area, your job, property owned in your area, and if you need to receive some sort of treatment while out on bond.

A Free Consultation to Get You Started

No one wants to spend time in jail.   At Boehmer Law, we will fight for you to make paying your bond easier Call Boehmer Law to set up your free consultation and case review.  Our criminal attorneys that handle bond reductions in Missouri will discuss what you can expect and what your chances are in getting your bond reduced for you or a loved one.  Call 636-896-4020 for your free appointment today.

Do not wait—Get Boehmer Law fighting for you!

 The choice of an attorney is an important one and should not be based solely on advertising. The information you obtain at this site is not, nor is it intended to be, legal advice. You should consult an attorney for advice regarding your individual situation.