Helping My Kids Deal with Divorce Part 3

Many times, during the separation and divorce process our Family Law Attorneys are asked, “What can I do to make this less traumatic for my child(ren)?”  At Boehmer Law, we recognize and understand that these changes affect the WHOLE family, especially the children.  Here are some helpful tips in helping your children through your divorce.  If you need a divorce attorney that understands what you are going through, call the divorce lawyers in St. Charles, MO at 636-896-4020 for a free consultation appointment.

Adjusting to a New Living Situation

Because divorce can be such a big change, adjustments in living arrangements should be handled gradually and explained well.  Advance warning is usually better than “surprises”.
Several types of living situations should be considered:

• one parent may have sole custody
• joint custody in which both legal and physical custody are shared
• joint custody where one parent has "tie-breaking" authority in certain medical or educational settings

Which one is right for your kids? Although some kids can thrive spending half their time with each parent, others seem to need the stability of having one "home" and visiting with the other parent.  Try to talk it out and find out what they feel may work best for them, especially teenagers who have busy lives.

Whatever arrangement you choose, your child's needs should come first. This is not a war where someone “wins”.  When deciding how to handle holidays, birthdays, and vacations, stay focused on what's best for the kids. It's important for parents to resolve these issues themselves and not ask the kids to choose.

During the preteen years, when kids become more involved with activities apart from their parents, they may need different schedules to accommodate their changing priorities. Ideally, kids benefit most from consistent support from both parents, but they may resist equal time-sharing if it interrupts school or their social lives. Try to be flexible.

Parenting Under Pressure

As much as possible, both parents should work to keep routines and discipline the same in both households. Similar expectations about bedtimes, rules, and homework will reduce anxiety, especially in younger children.  If one home has a bed time of 8 PM and the other has one at 10 PM, this can cause sleep disruption and behavioral issues, especially in smaller children.

Even though you can't enforce the rules in your ex-partner's home, stick to them in yours. Relaxing limits, especially during a time of change, tends to make kids insecure and less likely to recognize your parental authority later. Feeling guilty and buying things to replace love or letting kids act out is not in their best interests and can lead to problems down the road. Instead, you can lavish affection on them — kids don't get spoiled by too many hugs or comforting words.

When you and your former spouse can work together and communicate civilly for the benefit of your children, the original family unit can continue to be a source of strength, even if stepfamilies enter the picture.

Remember:

Recognize the signs of stress. Consult your kids' teachers, doctor, or a child therapist for guidance on how to handle specific problems you're concerned about.  Keep their teachers and coaches in the loop.  Listen to what they have to say as well.
Be patient with yourself and with your child. Emotional concerns, loss, and hurt following divorce take time to heal and this often happens in phases.  Go through the process and be there for your children—your actions will be how they set their emotions.

If you have any questions or want one of our divorce attorneys to review your situation, please call for a free consultation at 636-896-4020 today.

The choice of an attorney is an important one and should not be based solely on advertising. The information you obtain at this site is not, nor is it intended to be, legal advice. You should consult an attorney for advice regarding your individual situation.